rawandrendered:

229/365 - “Loopholes”

rawandrendered:

229/365 - “Loopholes”

apologetic parent on a flight: hi im sorry to bother you, I just wanted to let you know ahead of time we do have a 2 yr old here and
me: im a fuckin walking paradox. No im not. Threesomes with a fuckin triceratops
apologetic parent on a flight: (speechless, impressed)

has anyone else ever gotten the werewolf adventure person on omegle

sky pilgrimms

*approaches someone at a bar*Hey baby.Wanna ride my elbow?

Stabbed To Death With The Ass Knife

You’re a guest on The Tonight Show. Jay Leno opens his mouth impossibly wide and slowly approaches you, eventually crushing your head between his massive jaws. The whole thing plays out so unnaturally slowly, as if in a dream, but you are paralyzed with fear the whole time. The audience just laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

ah yes,my favorite theme park

The Urn

*inscribes the url of my dickpic on the moon with my super laser**gets a text message from everyone on earth**they all say “HAHAHA HA HAH HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”*

do i want to destroy anita sarkeesian? YES. not because of like, feminism shit though. she will just be among those destroyed when i destroy the world. i am the god of chaos